Is this a start? How do I save my life?

I get hungry. I don’t take time to eat. I starve. I overeat easy food.

I feel guilty. I fear I am going to die. I thought my heart would explode. Then came the medications. I don’t take care of myself. I barely take care of my house. I take care of my job and my kids. I barely pay attention to my husband. I feel like my heart might explode.

I eat too much. I crave salt. I wait too long between meals. I hardly ever drink water. Is this all because I'm really thirsty instead of hungry?

I start on a plan to eat better, eat less. It works for 1-2 weeks and I start to lose weight. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow. But…something always happens. It never becomes habit. Why? If I could only know…

I start to lose weight. I may drop 10 lbs. But then I get hungry and I can’t stop eating.

Is it hormonal? Emotional? Mental? I’m sure a combination.

But how do I manage this? How do I keep from doing it?

I try thinking about my kids and what their lives would be like without me. How can they live without a mommy?

What would my husband do?

Is this another start? Writing out my fears to use as motivation?

So many questions. So many fears.

I pray for help. I lie about how much I eat. I will die if I don’t change my ways.

My heart is already damaged. How do I keep my children’s hearts from breaking?